Every parent is nervous when their teenager starts to date. But when that teenager has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), the words “Mom, Dad, I’m ready to date” can strike even more fear and worry than usual.

How will your child meet someone who accepts them for who they are? Will they choose a partner who is kind and compassionate? Will they know what to say and do once in a romantic relationship?

Relationship Roadblocks for Teens with ADHD

Adolescents with ADHD may face unique challenges as they enter the world of teen dating, including the following:

Poor Impulse Control. One of the main characteristics of ADHD is impulsivity, or difficulty thinking through the consequences of one’s actions. In relationships, impulsivity can be a serious problem if the adolescent speaks up at the wrong time, says what they are thinking without regard for how their words impact the other person or break up with their partner on a whim. Their impulsivity and low tolerance for frustration can lead to reckless behaviors like drinking and driving or endangering their own lives or the lives of others.

“Teens with ADHD can be quick to anger and prone to over-reaction, which may cause them to act out or get in trouble when things aren’t going their way,” said Linda Tatsapaugh, MS, the executive director of Talisman Programs, a network of specialized camps for children with ADHD.

Need for Stimulation. ADHD can cause young people to feel a constant need for excitement. For this reason, teens with ADHD may be extremely passionate and attentive at the beginning of a relationship, when things are exciting, and then lose interest as the relationship becomes less intriguing. Some people with ADHD may find themselves subconsciously picking fights or creating drama in order to stay interested in their partner.

Poor Communication Skills. Because their minds are racing with thoughts, feelings and worries, adolescents with ADHD may struggle with listening and communicating. For some, this manifests as constantly talking at others rather than engaging in a two-way discourse, while others may withdraw from their relationships. Since they sometimes forget to pay attention, teens with ADHD may miss important social cues, misinterpret comments and complain of feeling criticized when their partner brings up issues.

Lack of Organization. Adolescents with ADHD are highly distractible and forgetful, making it difficult for them to stay organized or complete tasks. In relationships, this may translate into daydreaming or zoning out rather than being in the moment when a partner is talking. As a result, the partner may feel unappreciated and ignored, and frustrated that the person they care about can’t handle responsibility or fully invest in the relationship. Partners may also complain that those with ADHD spend more time in front of the TV, computer or video games than engaging in real-world interactions.

Low Self-Esteem. All of these obstacles make teens with ADHD prime targets for bullying and ridicule from their peers. As a result, they may become defensive or depressed and unwittingly turn away potential partners.

Because of the stress and rejection they experience as a result of their social struggles, teens with ADHD often feel isolated and alone. While some would rather avoid dating, many are eager to make friends and go on dates.

“If your child isn’t showing an interest in dating yet, there’s no cause for concern and no need to push them to get involved,” advised Tatsapaugh. “They are struggling socially with a lot as it is, and in many cases the interest will develop later on its own.”

How Parents Can Help

Depending on the relationship you have with your child, they may come to you for advice about how to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. According to Tatsapaugh, kids who struggle with disorders like ADHD are often closer with their parents and more receptive to their coaching, even during adolescence.

If your child is willing to have the conversation, this is an excellent opportunity to share your morals and wisdom and make sure they’re fostering healthy relationships. Here are a few ways you can help your child with ADHD have a positive dating experience:

Discuss Dating Conventions. To compensate for any social skill deficits teens with ADHD may have, it is helpful for parents to provide specific information about courtship, dating and sexuality.

Parents should go over dating basics, including how to ask someone out and engage in a two-way conversation. In particular, teens with ADHD may need to be reminded to slow down when they’re speaking and to practice listening. Parents should also help their kids cope with inevitable relationship challenges, such as discouragement, rejection and break-ups.

“Dating is complex for all adolescents, but it can pose unique challenges for kids with ADHD,” said Tatsapaugh. “All teenagers need to know what a normal, healthy teenage dating relationship looks like. Those with ADHD may need the details spelled out more than others, whether by a parent, social skills instructor, a favorite teacher, peer mentor or an older brother or sister.”

Tatsapaugh recommends asking a socially perceptive friend or relative to mentor your child, go out with them on group dates and offer insights about how to start a conversation with a boy or girl they like.

Emphasize the Importance of Safety. Because teens with ADHD struggle with reading social signals, they may not be able to discern whether someone has their best intentions at heart or a certain situation is safe. Their impulsivity, combined with low self-esteem brought on by bullying and social rejection, may lead to poor choices of partners and risky behaviors.

When they first begin dating, encourage your teen to establish friendships first and to gradually progress into a romantic relationship. Tatsapaugh recommends group dates early on, which can help teens feel included in the social scene without the pressure of holding lengthy conversations or asking prospective partners out on a one-on-one date.

Until your child knows whether a prospective partner is trustworthy, dates should always take place in well-lit public places, and your child should always have money, a cell phone and a way home. Make sure your child doesn’t offer too much personal information to a stranger and knows how to set limits.

“Parents need to talk to their teens about dating violence and dating abuse,” said Tatsapaugh. “There are people out there who will take advantage of a child who longs to fit in, and in an emotional moment a teen with ADHD may not make the best decisions.”

Treat ADHD Symptoms. A combination of medication, counseling and behavioral therapy can help teens with ADHD improve their focus. If your child normally takes medication to manage their symptoms, they should consider taking their ADHD medication before going on a date to improve their ability to focus and communicate.

Since it can be difficult for parents to provide their teens with the level of social training they need, you may want to seek help from a social skills group at your child’s school or in the community, or a specialized camp for teens with ADHD such as Talisman Camps in North Carolina. These programs teach teens with ADHD new strategies, such as self-talk, role playing and practicing positive social interactions, to develop healthy relationships in a safe, supervised environment.

With guidance from residential counselors at camp, young people with ADHD can learn skills to stay on task, such as making lists, keeping calendars of important dates and establishing a routine. The positive reinforcement provided in these ADHD programs can boost self-esteem, help deter unwanted behaviors and promote desired behaviors.

Help Foster Mutual Understanding. Once your child is in a relationship, there are a few steps they can take to keep their partner from losing patience. For example, your teen may want to help their partner understand the complexities of ADHD and how it affects them. Together, they can identify behaviors that may be problematic and make a plan for handling those issues so that the partner doesn’t feel disrespected or unappreciated.

“We make sure our campers know that ADHD is nothing to be ashamed of,” said Tatsapaugh. “When the time is right and they’ve met someone they trust, they should describe the challenges they face as someone with ADHD rather than simply assigning themselves the ADHD label.”

Focus on the Positive. Despite the obstacles, teens with ADHD can have loving, successful relationships. In fact, ADHD can be a positive part of a relationship, according to Tatsapaugh. Teens with ADHD have many attributes that make them excellent romantic partners, such as creativity, loyalty, charisma, compassion and understanding.

“Kids with ADHD are typically quite fun to be around,” said Tatsapaugh. “Other kids like to spend time with them because they always keep things fresh and interesting.”

You are your child’s best source of dating advice. Rather than learning about relationships from negative influences such as TV, movies or misinformed peers, you have an opportunity to positively impact the course of your child’s social life. With your expert guidance, your child can share in normal teenage experiences and get the practice they need to prepare them for a healthy relationship as an adult.